Sunday night Samuel was so excited that he had NO school on Monday, but I had to tell him it was because he had a dentist appointment. The tears started instantly and you could just see his fears being played over in his mind. He cried himself to sleep on Sunday night and woke up crying Monday morning. Nothing I could say would reassure him — I felt POWERLESS!
Monday, he cried all the way toMorgantownover the dentist —- I felt POWERLESS
We had to restrain his entire body and head and block open his mouth — I felt POWERLESS
I hold his hands the entire time, look him in the eye, assure him I am there — Still feel POWERLESS
After the dentist we always go to the play place at Burger King. He talks about going to the play place. I say Sam why don’t we wait for a little bit so other kids will be there to play with you. He replies, “I don’t want other kids to be there to play with because they can be mean. I am not mean to myself so I will just play by myself.” (he remembers the bullies that have cornered him in the tubes at play places or pushed him) — I feel ANGRY and POWERLESS
Probably the hardest for me was his fear of the play place and nothing I could say would change his memories – EVER! Why was this the hardest?? Because even though the dentist was scary, I could hold his hand the entire time and something good would come of it – his tooth would be fixed. I can’t always be there to hold his hand when there is a bully and there is NOTHING good that comes out of meanness!
I thought some more and just cried while I watched him play alone – happy but alone — if I felt POWERLESS as he went through the dental experience, and I felt POWERLESS over not saving him from the bullies fast enough — what does he feel??? I can express myself and he cannot! Man that hurts…
I am thinking of some awesome people that have gone through or are going through some rough things. While I feel POWERLESS because nothing I can do or say can change the situation, they too feel MORE POWERLESS because of the direct impact on them. For example * the death of a loved one * the illness of a child * the broken marriage * the abuse current or past…
So can I really PREPARE to FEEL POWERLESS? I think I need to think differently when I FEEL POWERLESS:
- where should I go to obtain my power / strength?
- what other resources can I offer?
- what do I do to cover my weakness — eat, shop, cry, complain?
But the WORST part is when I give up the power, who gains it??? When I feel powerless over the bully – that bully gets the power ): When I feel powerless over seeing people abused – the abuser gets the power ): When I feel powerless over a broken marriage – the cheater gets the power ): When a loved one dies, I can’t let their death be in vain (I need to make sure the memories live on) or death gets the power):
The definition of POWERLESS: 1. : devoid of strength or resources 2. lacking the authority or capacity to act.
As Samuel and I were walking out of the dentist office, we chatted a little, and he said “That was really scary” and I said “I wish I could of helped more”. He replies, “but you did mommy, you held my hand and never left.” I may have felt powerless, as if my actions were NOT enough. Powerless is defined as devoid of resources, that in reality is so untrue. I may not have the resources within me, but can find it through prayer to God (I prayed a simple prayer over Samuel as I held his hands – Prayer for protection and peace). I also have the resource of unconditional love, a hug, a prayer, and a held hand. Through me, when I ask / pray… God’s power can come.
“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” 2 Corinthians 4:7-9
“He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless”. Isaiah 40: 29