* note referring to Wednesday, March 7
Isn’t amazing how we can have a great day* – worked at a great job, beautiful sunshine, afternoon at the park with children and friends, plans for a family dinner at the table… and well then the yarn starts unraveling….
Dirty dishes everywhere, not enough counter space, dishwasher remains broken, things cook at different times but never end up being served at the same time, some items get a little “darker” than planned, couldn’t even get my scrambled eggs cooked and then everyone was done, never got to sit down to eat supper, and the list continues… I yell and snap out of frustration – which is unlike my typical nature where I usually SIGH loudly and move forward… tonight the little things annoy me like fingernails on a chalk board… and it continues through the night… more things demand my time – homework with Sam that frustrates HIM, requests for my time when all I wanted was to sit and enjoy my tea…
I hate meltdowns — for me a sign of defeat. My “problems” beat me – I am defeated…
It wasn’t the people that got to me — love my family and our supper time — it was the situation. Problem one – the dishwasher is NOT a new issue, I should have had more cleaned up before starting supper BUT didn’t calculate the pans I would need for supper…. Problem two – the pans stayed too hot – not their fault that I have good cookware that holds the heat and again didn’t calculate the time it took for foods to get done (eggs, breakfast wraps, bacon, fried mush, and Samuel’s noodles). Problem three – tried fixing too many things… Problem four – I didn’t ask for help! By the time Jim offered to fix my eggs I was DONE…
As a mom, there are always things demand my time… they wouldn’t have bothered me had I not already put up the big flag of defeat. At one point, Mary even said, “you sound like me mom.” YIKES – that is when you KNOW you have entered MELTDOWN (in our house they are called “Mary Moments” — last night it was a “Momma Moment”). Although some women try to still look and act like a teenager, I am NOT one of them! I don’t want to sound like a teenager… because I know how that sounds to my ears!
Everyone went to bed and I started the blog but I was too tired emotionally and mentally to write. I stewed and brewed… I left our dog out and she didn’t want to come back in… the final straw… I wrapped myself in my big blanket of defeat and laid on the couch… She finally came in and I went to my bed. I can say that it was the worst night of sleep in a very long time. I tossed and turned and kept getting wrapped up in the events and my response to the people I love! Around 3:30 Sam crawls in bed and he said he had a horrible nightmare – probably about a crazy MOM having a MOMENT and sounding like his sister!
I didn’t practice all the things I have learned about me this year – the prepare to sleep blog for example.
Today (Th, 3/8) was a new day — I woke with Jim this morning… spent some time listening to Joyce Meyers… listening to Gospel music… taking deep breaths… Counted my blessings instead of defeat * food to burn * children who need me * husband who comes home to me * electric to cook meals * water to do dishes * hands to do dishes * a crazy dog (when a good friend’s just died). I then went for an unexpected walk with an incredible friend to Ohiopyle. I shed my flag of defeat and wrapped myself in His blessings.
Sure I need to PREPARE for MAMA MELTDOWNS they can happen BUT ONLY if I let them!
“Our joy does not have to be based on our circumstances.” ― Joyce Meyer