So the past two weeks have been very exhausting – mentally and physically. I have also determined that when you are exhausted – INJURIES happen very easily. I am not referring to physical but worse… the mental and emotional injuries. It all starts with a little scratch and soon you have an open wound as more insults to your heart (dirt) happens! I have also learned that the worse wounds come from those you love the most…
I can tell you the first was when I had a huge disappointment. The interesting thing for me is I am RARELY disappointed. I usually expect nothing from anyone – honestly!!! For instance, I have never expected presents on special holidays, because then I can’t be disappointed. I have never been one to actually expect someone to do what they say they will do because then I can’t be disappointed. Instead, when I get the gift or someone fulfills their word I am EXCITED and surprised. That is a much better place to be then the constant unfulfilled expectations, broken hopes, and dreams. In this case, I wasn’t expecting anything, BUT got hit in the gut HARD about a decision. So that was the GASH – the first thing to cause the injury.
As the time progressed, little things said by other people, who I know love me also just added “dirt” to the wound. Things that normally would not have registered as injuries, suddenly were personal “mini attacks”. Comments made me * feel guilty for choices I had made * question my ability to be a good mother * feel inadequate as a friend/mother/wife. The wound got deeper and the heart breaks more… PREPARE for OPEN WOUNDS… but I also must PREPARE for HEALING!
I am a nurse… I know how what it takes to heal a wound.
1. Prevention – the best thing is to prevent the wound from happening. The injury probably happened a little easier because I was tired from working extra hours.
2. Treat it early – so with the first injury, I should have addressed it. But I am not one to face things like that – I just assumed it was my fault and I over reacted and it would go away… but, it didn’t…
3. Keep it clean – so the worst thing for any wound is to let it get dirty – in this case letting other things make the wound bigger and fester. The little comments made by various people added to the initial injury just made the wound deeper and more painful.
4. A band-aid is not enough – when a wound is deep you can’t just put a band-aid on it and think it will go away. Covering up a wound just hides it – it doesn’t heal it. I need healing.
5. Treat the wound – clean it out. It is time to do that. I have to assume responsibility for treatment. I need to reflect on what to say and who I need to say it to. Some things I have to just admit they would not have hurt in “normal” situations and maybe if the time is right or if it happens again.
6. Prevent more wounds – to myself and to others. I need to remember this and help it prevent me from wounding a friend. I need to remember this so I address issues early on. If the wound is from someone you love or who loves you – it was not done intentionally HEAL early by speaking your heart. If the wound is done from someone intentionally treat the wound by eliminating them from your life. Clean the wound with the kind words of people who do love you, with laughter, and letting go.
7. Time alone will not heal all wounds — you know the song “Time heals all wounds they say” is not true in this case! For me, time has just allowed the wound to grow and get deeper. I have learned that a “festering open wound” does NOTHING but hurt, steal your joy, squelch your happiness, and wastes precious moments of your life! I have become sad, defeated, depressed, and constantly focused on the wound. Re-living it and the others added to it… letting it fester more and more…
8. Antibiotics may be needed – in this case the prescription is for prayer, self-reflection, love, honesty, and COMMUNICATION!
Scripture says Love does NOT keep a record of wrong — well, with my wound, I can tell you I have a record. It is time to remove the band-aid and clean out the wound – it may hurt and I will have to swallow my pride and become vulnerable.
I Corinthians 13: 5-7 5Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres