Life has been very interesting lately (much more pleasant to say interesting than stressful). I have been very stressed and drained and for those of you who know me would realize that is not like me. I am a “roll with the punches” kind-a-girl. I have some major decisions to make and commit to. And God has chosen to put a BIG billboard in my life that leaves me powerless in the “waiting game”. Life is seeming bigger than I am. I don’t like some of the lessons the billboard is creating. I feel as though I am powerless and the world is totally stacked against me and really want to re-paint the billboard in front of me. I want to paint it solid black so I never have to read it again.
For the last few weeks I could just cry, and have truly done my share – probably contributing to my endless headache. But my tears are a mixture of sadness, concern, and questions with tears of anger, disappointment, and pain. I don’t like that person, that part of me. I don’t want to question God and His plan. I don’t want to question friendships and their authenticity. I don’t want to read the billboard! I want it taken down!!!
I think part of the problem is the billboard is making me contemplate my life instead of just journeying through. Making me stop and discover who I am. Helping me to consider options that before may not have been there. I know I am not alone in facing a billboard – I think of friends who have gone through death of a family member, spouses being unfaithful, financial disasters, etc. I just don’t like some signs, but as I always say to Mary, “you don’t have to like it you just have to live with it”. So true about the billboard – I don’t have to like it but I do have to live with it and face it and determine how my journey will continue.
BUT, yesterday, just as the billboard faced me and the world’s weight crashed in, and tears streamed down my face as I thought of everything that I needed to decide and do. I saw another sign I so needed to see. The sign to renew my sense of direction in my Lost life. A RAINBOW.
I have always loved rainbows. The unique thing is that it was super sunny and not a raindrop in sight. I was driving out of the valley of the road and there it was. Amazing that God put it there for ME to see as I came out of the valley. It was the symbol I needed. I stopped and took a picture of the rainbow. I then decided to keep driving to follow the rainbow – chasing the rainbow. It stayed in sight for another valley as I drove and as I hit the top of the hill, it was gone as quickly as it appeared.
Rainbows are a result of sunshine onto droplets of moisture. That rainbow was real and I have pictures to prove it. But the rainbow I felt was formed from God shining down onto my teardrops (moisture). And though the “billboards” I face, no matter what they may be, are inevitable – there is always a promise to follow. I have to be in the valley and willing to come out of the valley to see it. I can’t stay in the valley and wait. I have to chase the rainbow to get out of the valley. I have to hold onto the promises and possibilities.
I thought of the song by the Gaithers “Give Them All to Jesus”. – it says are you tired of chasing pretty rainbows, are you tired of spinning round and round, pack up all your shattered dreams of your life, and at the feet of Jesus lay them down. Give them all to Jesus.. He will turn your sorrows into joy.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWTcUTuL-n4
Yes, the billboard is still there and I am sure there will be more to follow on life’s road. But right above it, through my tears, there is a rainbow of hope and promise. I can’t stay in the valley – I am going to chase the rainbow.