Another week flew by. Tuesday was one of the most incredible days as I got to help a friend through a bad moment in life. I got to finally meet a Facebook friend in person for a spur of the moment breakfast and it was though we have known each other forever. I caught up with a friend over the phone that I haven’t really talked to in months and picked up right where we left off. Three doses of strong friendships were just what I needed that day, for the week, for the month. I have noticed the power of positive influences in your life can sustain you through the rougher moments in life. So blessed…
This week, I squeezed in a dayshift of work and figured out a way to still get home schooling done. Mary demonstrated once again her responsibility in doing her classes without me here. It was great to have some alone time with Jim in our commute to work to discuss some big decisions – future family trip, repair or purchasing of a new furnace, future anniversary. Mary received a surprising text of apology this week, something she never expected, but definitely deserved. Samuel and Shadow, our crazy dog, can play in the yard very well together. Unfortunately, when they run through the house and a screen door is shut, the crazy dog did not see it and knocked it completely out of the sliding glass door. All things in the life of a chaotic family…
Now, I feel like I am in a season of decisions and I needed this past week to “ground” me to what to do. I think my to do list this week is going to become replaced with the “LIST OF DECISIONS” to make. They are some small and some big decisions. Some can be life altering and some just to add to the moment of life. Decisions are not always easy for me.
* I tend to be a people pleaser, so often my decisions will be what is best for someone else and not necessarily what would be best for me. Actually, this rules my life unfortunately. If I know a decision will make my husband or children happy, the answer is yes and come hell or high water, I will try to make it happen. If I really want something, I will justify out why I shouldn’t purchase it and continue to use the old in most situations. I also am a pleaser in the sense of work and will do whatever it takes, giving up sleep, me time, etc. to cover a shift. When I have to choose between reading a book I have been wanting to read, or watch a show I wanted to see, etc.. and allowing someone else have the choice – they win!
* I also am an over analyzer. I try to assess each situation and then rationalize each one out until I make a decision. I even did this on multiple-choice tests at school. They always said go with your first choice because that was usually correct. I could justify every answer in some way in my head. UGH!
* I like to avoid conflict. So, if I can make a decision with the least harm done and least number impacted, count me in to that choice. I am willing to rock my boat if I am the only passenger, but not the boat that may capsize with many passengers.
* I feel guilty. When I make decisions that don’t put others first, often makes me feel guilty. If I leave the kids I feel guilty. I would love to occasionally escape to a hotel room to read, but I feel guilty. If I go out on a date with my husband, I feel guilty (and sometimes the kids make me feel guilty for going without them). But, realistically, I am not teaching them anything by not putting my marriage and myself first.
* I am still a procrastinator. Although my word prepare has definitely changed pieces of that for me this year. I have become more observant and made more decisions. I confess, if I can put off the decision until tomorrow, which never comes, I will.
* I value others opinions too much sometimes. Sometimes I will delay decisions to get the opinions of others. I may go with their decision over mine. Problem it stems back to the people-pleaser issue. Also, I will avoid talking about a decision with someone because I also don’t want their opinion; because I know it will change mine. Which is fine if the decision only impacts me, unfortunately, that is not always the case.
* I often don’t pray hard enough about it OR trust enough. I really try to hand over big decisions to God, but sometimes I just don’t. Often I have one-way conversation with him. I talk about everything, but don’t wait for the answer and sometimes not hearing the answer because I have turned a deaf ear. It’s about control, not wanting to wait for the answer, not trusting, etc. Sometimes He gives me the answer loud and clear in opportunities He opens and I still doubt and won’t go through the door He opens. Or, I rationalize out the open door and question myself (and Him).
So, I prepare to make some decisions. I think now that I have really reflected my list of “issues” with decisions, it may make them easier to conquer. I guess at the end of the day, I just want peace of mind knowing that what I have decided was the best decision. If only I could find a crystal ball – LOL!!!
James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”