How many times do I find myself saying.. “If I had it to do over again, I would…” Well, time does not work like that – the clock keeps moving forward.
I mentioned in the past that I read a book by Gretchen Rubin in the past called the Happiness Project and just finished the second book Happier at Home. They are books she wrote after she examined her life and ways to increase her happiness. The last chapter of Happier at Home was about Now is Now. She talked about how she would always say with the next snow she would build the snowman with her kids. There were many “Aha moments’ in the book for me. I needed those Aha Moments…
So often I look back and say, I wish I would have, or look at everything that needs done and not take the moment now. Autumn is a perfect time that reminds me of this, one day the tree is green, leaves quickly change, and fall to the ground and it will never look the same again. On the way to/from Morgantown today, I kept pointing out the beautiful trees. They will never look exactly the same again. There would have been a day, I would have rushed through the drive just in a hurry to get there. Truly my blog process has made me stop and absorb more moments. But, I am NOT where I need to be. My happiness and awareness has increased, but not where it should be. NOW is NOW. I will not have these moments again.
It seems for the last week, I have been stuck in the dwelling on things, but not moving forward. Sort of living in a regret phase.. I wish I would have… Maybe it was the 20th Anniversary and being alone for 2 days with lots of time to think: * I looked back at my beautiful wedding picture and then had to pack for our mini trip with a slap in the face with the mirror; * Years of neglecting myself with the excuse of doing everything for others; * Realizing that Jim and I had not taken a weekend together in over 14 years; * Two days of detoxing my brain from work and life stressors and returning home to everything undone; * Moments in daily life that I re-think/re-consider my decisions I have made, etc.
Not all are big regrets, like today… I had to clean out the laundry room to put in the new furnace. I removed loads of laundry not washed. I have plenty of baskets of clean clothes upstairs needing sorted and put away. I regret not keeping up with it… I think of conversations this week and dreaded the continued issues of how some people can’t look at things through a different view…
I am sure I am not alone… wishing I would not have * gained weight, * worked as much and vacationed more, * made excuses for not taking care of me/my needs * let the laundry build up * let the house get out of control * made some financial decisions we did, etc… However, without all those things, I may not be the person I am today – and that could be better or worse. I will never know as there are no do-overs. I pray I learned from my mistakes (can’t say that is always true unfortunately) and that will prevent me from making the same mistakes.
I have to remember I live in THIS MOMENT – not in the past and not in the future. I am responsible for my decisions and have to accept responsibilities for past errors, but I don’t have to get stuck in them… I can move forward and MUST move forward. Past regrets can only define me, if I let them!
Every moment, I have the choose to say:
- I wish I would not have gained the weight OR I am doing something to loose it NOW
- I wish I would have more dates with Jim OR I am making the time for them NOW
- I wish I would have been closer to God OR I am moving closer to God NOW
- I wish I would have made more time for myself OR I am making time for myself NOW
- I wish I would have kept up on house/laundry OR I did this to the house/laundry NOW
- I wish I would have spent more time with kids OR We went to family fun night NOW (actually last night)
Thinking “I wish I would have” leaves me in the past – it is time NOW! Regret for me is nothing but unresolved anger against myself (and maybe a few others – lol). I have learned alot from the mistakes along the way. However, I am prepared to leave my baggage of regrets so I can walk through the door of the moment – fresh start is NOW!
“Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.” – Jonathan Larson
“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell