WARNING internal emotions can be hazardous to my health. Chest heaviness, stomach tied in knots, headache, floaters in my eyes. Yep – feel like I am falling apart. Internal emotions backed up causing physical response I am sure. Internal emotions are experiencing some definite shorts in the wiring system. I just want to look in the mirror and go – “SHERI, get a grip!” and maybe a slap or two would help! I know that I am not alone in this feeling (maybe you want to slap me once or twice too – lol). I could give the list of “shorts” in my internal wiring.
Part of the wiring issue is that I am letting other people control the power switch and the surging of the power. Actually, I am feeling like some people have taken my fuse box and dropped it in deep water, and stand back watching it fry. I hate not trusting people and their intentions. I even more hate what it makes me feel like towards them. I feel it puts me in a position to either one-up them before another fuse gets burnt out or sit back and take the jolt. Neither is a pleasant response. I love to be in environments where people have my back (not worry about being stabbed in the back).
Circumstances that I have allowed to get out of control also lead to the short fuses. In the past two weeks I have had 2 very scary travel adventures. First of all, I put myself in the circumstances by traveling, but to my defense did not know the weather was going to go downhill so quickly (both Phil and the Meteorologist were wrong). This whole winter, I just avoided the weather by staying home. There would have been a day, the weather would not have phased me. However, it now can cause the knots in my gut, especially if I have the kids with me.
Commitments have become a wiring issue. I have a hard time with the “N” word (no). I seem to always agree to adjust my schedule to meet the needs of others. Sam gets speech and occupational therapy a couple days a week, and often I am the last one they call to schedule the one because they know I will do whatever I need to get Sam there. Most of the parents just say it isn’t a good time instead of adapting their schedules. There are other instances where people just propose meetings or need something today without consideration that my time is also valuable. But instead of saying no, I continually adjust my schedule.
EVALUATION and ACTION
So, I wrote the above Wednesday night as a start of a blog. I couldn’t sleep that night and tossed and turned and eventually just got up because I was keeping Jim awake. Then I thought about electrical work, as my dad was an electrician. I do remember the importance of having grounding to prevent electrocution. That is exactly my problem. My grounding has been interrupted. For instance,
- I am not consistent in standing grounded in what I believe. Though the world may act a certain way does not mean that I should cave into the ways of the world. If I feel like I am being slapped by the world, I need to turn the cheek.
- The distance between me and God gets a little too far. The scripture states draw near to Him and He will draw near to ME! When I am having distance issues, it is because I moved, not because He moved. When I move from Gods reach, it is harder to be grounded.
- When it comes to circumstances, I have to remember there is always a choice. I need to stand firm for what is important (safety versus making it to an appointment). It requires coming up for a Plan B if Plan A doesn’t work out. People will understand and if they do not, at least I stood firm in my grounding.
- Commitments need to be contained to what is important to me and our family. My time has never been honored because I have never expected it. People know if they ask, I will just say yes.
- Grounding also requires that I learn the concept of time and that there are 24-hours in a day. My calendar should be a picture of what is important to me.
Look around me. I have a couple dear friends are facing some big issues. When I look at my “issues” I realize how out of control I have become. I read one of my favorite blogs this week by a mom with an autistic daughter… she ended up in the hospital due to chest pain. I need to be grounded by the wake up calls of others around me, so God doesn’t have to give me my own lesson (although I think the headache and floaters could fall into that category).
This morning I placed a Facebook post with scriptures of Standing on the Promises. When I keep my focus on Christ, He can help keep me grounded. I think of the story of Peter and walking on the water. Peter was able to walk on the water as long as He kept grounded by keeping his eyes on Christ. He lost his grounding and started to sink. (Matthew 14:22-33). After I couldn’t sleep I got up and found these scriptures. I had read in the past about personalizing scriptures and I did that with the ones I found. How powerful that was to switch my focus from my issues to the power I can have in Him.
I also placed a Facebook post about observations with Samuel. He grounds me to reality often. He has one pace – HIS. I can try to make him hurry, but it will not matter. He has his own rhythm and is always authentic to it. I on the other hand pick up the pace of the world. I hurry and loose my rhythm – loose my grounding of the authentic me.
Intentional is my word for 2013, and well, I need to step it up. I need to be intentional in managing my life. Intentional in staying grounded. Intentional in knowing my rhythm and my authentic self!