I don’t have time for this… really I don’t have time to write today but I was honestly so convicted by something I do almost every day. A battle I briefly addressed the other day with someone, but today it really hit me! Almost every day I wish my life away, precious days, precious moments.
I was talking to someone about how they couldn’t wait for spring. I see posts on Facebook about the number of days till spring. When it gets closer to time, Jim will put a count down on his computer about how many days till vacation at the beach. I said to the person, but every day I count towards spring or the next event is one less day on earth I have with our children! I am wishing their lives away and my life! Mary will be 15 in March… every day I wish away is a day closer to her driving, to her leaving home for college, to her growing up. I can only imagine all the things she will accomplish, but I want to SAVOR TODAY to prepare her for that future and build memories for us both to hold onto! Sam will be 11 in June.. every day I wish away is a day closer to him having to face this crazy world, and I will be honest, it completely scares me. When I focus on the future for him, it robs me of the happiness of his honesty, his smile, his laughter, etc of today.
I have friends who are approaching retirement age and they can tell you the exact day and some are close enough to tell you the number of days and some even the hours until that day will arrive. For me, I am so far from retirement, that it is depressing – lol! Also, for me, I can’t imagine retiring. I love my job and it is such a part of my identity. I have been a nurse, in some capacity, for over half of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I can imagine how exciting it is to own your life and not have to be anywhere at any certain time. But, I know I better know who I truly am outside of being a nurse, a wife, a mother to be able to retire.
I know several people who have deeper depression issues in this weather and just want the winter to be over. For me, counting my blessings every day has really helped. I choose to not worry about the weather, but thankful I have a warm house, warm clothes, my health, etc… I hear parents talk about how their children are driving them crazy being home during all these days. I must admit, I have my children home with me 24/7 with home/cyber school, so I don’t have that same “drive me crazy” feeling this time of year – it can happen any day here (lol)!
I am not trying to judge people and their wishing for tomorrow, for spring, for summer, for vacation, and for retirement. But, every day I wish my days away when I
- say to my kids we can do that tomorrow or later (and even worse when I don’t honor my word)
- procrastinate doing something today that I dread because then it just stays on my mind pulling me down for another day – instead I can do it now and free the worry
- fret over my to do list instead of just doing it
- wait for tomorrow (that never comes) to do things that will make me healthier and hopefully increase my days
- hold on to regrets of the past that steal my mind away from the here and now
- unforgiveness of myself and others as it steals heart space of love and healing
- live out loud dreams, my bucket list (which I have procrastinated developing), etc
- don’t take time for God because He is the Author of my days and I am likely missing the message he wants me to know (because I am too busy)
- don’t take time for me to know who I AM, so when retirement comes, our children leave, I am not left empty
- don’t make TODAY count for something
- go through the motions of life without living
God gives us each moment and every season. I know these winter days that have slowed me down. I have watched parents get to spend days with their children that would not have spent that time. We have saved money by eating in instead of going out, and have even sat at the kitchen table for a few meals each week (hold your judgment)! Sam has played outside every day not caring about the temperature, and through him I have relived my childhood of snow forts and tunnels and snowmobile riding. I have felt less guilty about sleeping in and snuggling with Sam. We have not worried or rushed to get somewhere. I have slowed down and watched nature out my window of the beautiful birds, and amazed at how they survive these elements. They have assured me, when I felt down, that just as God takes care of those birds, He will take care of me! I have watched stories on Facebook of young children who have lost their life from cancer, from the flu, from being a hero and I am sure their parents would give anything for one more day – a day, like me, they may have wished away.
My prayer is that
- I enjoy the moment I am in now, no matter how small the moment may seem.
- my heart is full of thankfulness and praise and not moaning and groaning
- live in the moment without dragging in the past and dwelling over the future
- seize the lesson(s) God has for me
- slow down and savor the moment instead of thinking what I must do next
- OVERCOME wasting this moment by wishing / worrying / thinking of the next
Ecclessiates 3:1 “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” – May I praise Him in this winter season as it has a purpose!
Psalm 90:12 “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” – Enjoying today will bring ME wisdom!
“You’ll seldom experience regret for anything that you’ve done. It is what you haven’t done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear. Do it! Develop an appreciation for the present moment. Seize every second of your life and savor it. Value your present moments. Using them up in any self-defeating ways means you’ve lost them forever.” –Wayne Dyer