Well I have a BIG birthday coming this year, and my daughter just celebrated her landmark 21st birthday on last Thursday. We had made big plans to go out of town as a family – to celebrate her. It has been a couple years since we escaped as a family. Last year our celebration was as at our beautiful daughter’s wedding. We were looking forward to just being together in one of our favorite towns, enjoying the food, some drinks, wings, and ranch dressing. We would squeeze in a few shops and lots of laughter. There is something about landmarks whether birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, weddings, etc. It is a time to pause and reflect on the past, savor the present, and plan for the future.
It is like staring at map that says “you are here”. I can look at the map and decide if I like where I am. Do I want to go backward, generally not, as although the past has made me who I am today, I do not want to go back. I had a recent discussion with a young lady, and she had moved in with a gentleman about a year prior. She realized it was not the right decision for her and her children. She said she was moving. I asked if she was moving back home and her reply, “I am not moving back, I am moving forward into my home”. It made me pause that she wanted to focus as her choice as moving forward and not taking a backward step. How many times have I thought of life as going backward when in fact I was still moving forward?
Sometimes it feels like I keep standing at the ”you are here” sign and look around and around. I try to figure out which direction I want to go next. I feel like at times I turn and turn – stuck in the same spot. Never taking a step in any direction. I am here with so many areas of my life. My landmark birthday is coming and I can’t decide the direction I want to take for it, let alone beyond that landmark, for my life. I want to celebrate the journey I have taken. I don’t want to look back and focus on all the wrong roads I have taken or on all the roads I did not take. The roads have led me to be who I am. I am not always happy with that I must admit, but that is when the choice for the next road is so important and I won’t get there by just standing here. I want to look at whatever the path as moving forward.
The other reflection is who am I standing with at the “you are here” sign. How many people have impacted my journey and gone along for the ride? I have some amazing passengers in my journey. I have lost some way before their time (my mom and my grandma), but the time we shared was priceless. I have had some who chose to not travel any farther with me. I thought it was me but realize that their life also took a different road/direction. It is life, but I can choose to reflect on the amazing journey together we had. Either way, I must keep moving forward and choose the passengers carefully. I also have to appreciate when no one else goes along at times. That is a chance to be still and listen to God.
It is more than about where I have been and where I am going. More than about who has driven or traveled along. It is why I have gone the directions I have. I need to think about why I am going the direction I am heading. I have gone directions based on the needs of others. So often I have traveled based on the directions given to me by someone else. I have also gone by impulse without a clear reason or consideration of where I would end. I have on more than one occasion gone on directions given to me by someone else for various reasons – to please them or to help them (and often because I would not say No). The directions I have followed because of a purpose – nursing school, marriage, having children – have been most successful and satisfying.
The scary part of being a mom is that I have children who have watched my aimless directions for years. My going around and around and not getting anywhere. They have also watched me go through the motions of the same route every day because that is the direction I know. They watch me not plan my route out and take my chances of where I will end. I often find myself in the middle of a destination that I chose by myself and start praying in the middle, instead of asking for wisdom for clear direction before I set out. I am impulsive and loose control at times. I go at high speed at times and then are forced to stop suddenly. I want them to see a mom with a well-planned destination, moving forward consistently, and not so busy looking in my rear-view mirror that I become distracted. A woman who goes with intention and a purpose. But mostly, I want to be a woman who is enjoying the ride whether alone or with all the passengers who choose to go along with me.
Please Lord, help me be an example and to live this journey out loud. Help me
- to ask for direction daily (and sometimes more often),
- move beyond the “you are here sign” even if it is just one step (even if it means you shove me),
- pay attention to the signs along the way (speed limit, dead end, yield, etc.),
- see what you want on this journey (not so focused on the end of the trip that I miss the little things along the way)
- look ahead and not focus what is in the rear view mirror (unless it teaches me something),
- enjoy when I am alone on the journey (because really I am not alone – it is then just you and me for me to silence the radio and listen),
- savor the passengers that choose to go on this journey with me (and not focus on the ones who have not),
- and make the most of every step – small or large (because You are in the big and small)!
Amen
Jeremiah 29:11 Says God has plans for ME – plans to prosper me and give me hope and a future. I am positive that means that I need to ask for directions and take the next step.
sherisoulsearch 