Have you ever been really convicted on doing something or saying something? Every where you go you hear something and comes back to the conviction. Well, I must say, I do not like the feeling. I try to close my eyes to the need and try to close my eyes to the message and it just doesn’t seem to go away. I explain to myself that I am not qualified to do “the job”. I also try to say someone else will do it. Some of you know about my LOVE of non-fiction books from self-help to biblical teachings to speak to me. I have been squeezing in more “reading” thanks to my Kindle reading to me AND reading books that I find hard to put down so squeeze in moments where I can. Sometimes it is my thirst for more information and answers in this crazy world.
I believe my husband has found his second calling in being a fireman and on HazMat. Over the years he continues to seek out education and also teaches classes. I admire that knowing where you belong in the world. When we were dating and first married he volunteered with a Boy Scout Troop before we ever had children and loved helping those young boys. At the time, his calling was mentoring Boy Scouts and now it is definitely with firefighters. It brings a spark to his eyes and NEVER complains about a class to teach or a call to go to (can’t say that about his “real” job – LOL).
I know I was meant to be a mother, or God would not have blessed us with two miracles. I firmly believe I was meant to be a nurse in some capacity. I know in my heart that beginning cyber school / home schooling is where I need to be for my family. Every once in awhile I have this twinge that I should pursue my Masters in Nursing (especially since my employer reimburses a large portion per year), but then I think of the time it would take away from my family and not necessarily would it add to my life, so I just keep pondering. There was also a day I was a Sunday school teacher and a PTO volunteer. Teaching children was my calling at that time. However, I attended briefly the VBS program our church recently had, and realized that is not where my heart is, but the young are definitely in the hearts of others! My daughter is one of them – she loved helping with BibleSchool and has loved watching friends of ours children. So, where do I fit in?
In the books I have read and in a message in church two weeks ago it keeps talk about mentoring. I have mentioned in my blogs that I have really been convicted to do a better job mentoring our children. I need to slow down a little and instead of doing it all myself teach them how to do things (I know that my father-in-law reads these and will probably tell my mother-in-law that I finally get it). It isn’t always easy to do though because I try to squeeze so much in a day, but I have been asking for help with little things – cleaning the bathroom, picking up toys, fixing supper, etc… I also have talked that it is important to mentor our children on friendships (one of my facebook friends brought up this very topic today of how mean girls can be to boys and I also said to each other and parents aren’t stopping it). If my children see me treat another person unkind they will believe it is okay to do. If I lie to a friend or talk behind their backs, they will believe it is okay to do. If I see my children being mean or saying mean things or talking about people, including their friends, and I don’t step in to correct them they think it is okay. So, with my children I am so convicted in mentoring them to become responsible adults, because they are going to have to work with the mean bullies that are being created! The sermon two weeks ago was about mentoring the younger generations and the impact it will have of future generations.
I think in life everyone has convictions of what they should be doing with their lives, their families, their communities, and their churches, etc. Unfortunately, I don’t believe that many act on the conviction because it is easier to go with the flow than to fight the current. Conviction tells teens not to drink, smoke, have pre-marital sex BUT it is easier to go with the flow of peer pressure and believing that it will make you feel better than to say NO. Conviction tells spouses not to cheat on their husband/wives, but it is easier to give in to desires than to fight them. Society would be a much nicer/safer/honest place if people followed their convictions. Convictions say to “think about it 100% before diving in and consider the consequences” versus societal belief of “just do it”.
Bet you are wondering where she is going with this. Well, it is about mentoring and my calling to do more! Lately as I read my books and my heart is changing I feel like reading them is not enough. I have been sharing some pieces in my blog, but still feel like that may not be enough. Actually, I know that is not enough! I find myself reading a book and thinking this would be a great study or maybe a book club discussion. Then I go back to the thinking that I am not qualified, although I know that Jesus’ disciples were ordinary men. I think about all the awesome women conferences I would love to attend, but time is an issue, childcare can me an issue, money can be an issue. I think if I am hungry for more knowledge that other women may be too. In our crazy schedules and lives, moms are often the last to take care of them selves. But, I know what a change I feel in my heart just by reading, by choosing a word to focus on this year, and listening to awesome speakers and just maybe if I shared more or did more, I could change their lives too.
Honestly, I think I am feeling like Jonah did – trying to decide if it is better to go the direction I am being led or just get swallowed by a whale! I think I am being led to 1. open up my heart even more 2. start some kind of woman’s study – would love a face-to-face one so others could share their story, or 3. start a book club and we could meet to talk about or do on-line. But I am thinking I may need to prepare to be SWALLOWED BY A WHALE! Because my head is saying when I could fit this into my schedule, how could I accomplish this, someone else is definitely more capable to do this, and also no one would be interested. It is so easy to talk yourself out of something, now if the Lord would just stop pushing….
“Conviction is worthless unless it is converted into conduct.” – Thomas Carlyle